Have you ever felt God is preparing you for something? That He is shaping your heart and teaching you things in this one specific area and you can feel it. You can feel Him moving you and guiding you. I can feel it. I know God is doing something in my heart right now. I mean He is always doing something in there; but as of the past 5 months or so I have had this feeling, this feeling that I am just on the verge of something big. This was very exciting initially. I thought I had figured out what the “big thing” was… however, with time I was shown that perhaps my hunch wasn’t so spot on. I can make Jesus seem so confusing at these times. I spend my time sitting around trying oh so hard to figure out what it is He is wanting me to do; where it is that He wants me to go. Though these questions are worth while to ask, they are not worth spending hours stressing over. I know that my job as a follower of Christ is to spend my life, everyday, glorifying the God that saved me.(Due6:5;Luke10:27) I begin to think “Just how in the world could I possibly make all of these plans come together? How will doing these things affect the plans(dreams) that I have already? Am I willing to give up my idea of what my future should look like if God wants to lead me somewhere else?“ There is so much wrong with this thought process that it makes my head want to explode! How many times can a person think “me, me, me” without the word selfish just appearing permanently on their forehead? Because I have got to be close to my limit. This life is not about me.(Gen1:1) I do not live for my own glory but for His.(Rom9:17) It does not matter what my plans are. When my God calls me to move I should take off at a dead sprint!
How insane is it that He even wants to use me…ME?! Why in the world would the God of the universe desire me to do His Mighty work? Just typing that makes me so excited! I want to be used so badly! I want to be His hands and feet. I want a humble heart that can completely set me aside and awe at the Radiance of Jesus knowing that all things are made for Him and His glory. But how do we stay in this mind set? How do we create a heart that goes so against the flesh’s desire to be self centered? We must continually fill ourselves with His truth! Devouring the Word of God; taking it in for everything that it is. Life lives in those words! Sometimes I am so enamored with His love for me that I am literally left breathless. Why can’t I have this kind of reaction to Him all the time?! At what point will my fire for Him burn in a blinding blaze constantly? It is so easy for me to become disgusted with myself when I see my devotion slipping or when my spirit feels dry of His… it is in these moments I try to remind myself that I am not the first to fall into this trap of self deprecation and craving of the Spirit. David too struggled with these things— these dry seasons in his faith. When I turn to Psalm 51 I see our prayers are much the same:
“6 Behold, You delight in the Truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me,
and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that You have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,and
take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning GOD…”
Deuteronomy 6:5;Luke 10:27;Romans 9:17;Philippians 1:6;Pslams 51
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