I don’t know about you. But my early twenties have been very different than I expected. When I was in high school I would sit on the couch with my best friend Felicia and we would talk about all the places we were going to go and all of the things we were going to do and some how we actually got here. I am at that age. I am 23. Oh my how weird it is to say that… I’m pretty sure my mental age is still sittin’ pretty at 12.
What blows my mind most…scares me most is that I still seem to be so indecisive. So confused about the direction I want to go in and what exactly I am looking to get out of life. And the even scarier question: what can I give during my life.
I am reminded constantly that “this is normal” “most people your age feel confused and misguided” “everyone struggle with feeling a bit lost and alone during this ‘transitional’ time of life.” And though these reminders that I am not the only one on the struggle-bus of life it can still be very hard to cope with. Especially, in my experience, within the “Christian Bubble” as we call it. Everyone in the “bubble” seems to be set 10 years ahead the rest of the world. Getting married and having babies | all by age 25. I mean that’s great! And I can get crazy at a wedding with the best of them! Believe me! But this is not the path my life has taken and I am SO okay with that. The difficulty in this is that I feel like the odd ball out. I am still in the stage of life where I just like hanging out with friends all the time. Staying up late and making 2am Walmart runs for cookies still sounds fantastic to me! Spontaneous trips, hilarious embarrassing moments, and texting all through the day with your BFF even though you know you will see each other in like 2 hours… these things sound ideal to me. These are the things I crave in life. Full friendships. So much laughter that my abs hurt the next day. [2 birds | 1 hilarious stone]
Don’t get me wrong! I understand that I have more responsibilities now. Living paycheck to almost next paycheck is hard and I have to work hard to just keep my head above the water. Which can be draining in every way possible. But that stuff I understand more and I can fight through knowing that, this part, the financial part, is only a stage and that it won’t be like this forever. But the life part. The figuring it all out part. The trying to remind yourself that you aren’t failing just because your life looks differently from the person’s beside of you…and in front of you…and behind you…and well, pretty much every direction you look.
It’s okay to be confused and still figuring yourself out, right? Or is that a high-school/teenage angst thing that I was supposed to work out a few years ago?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and/or struggles : ) We can reassure each other that we aren’t too much of a hot mess!